Word

it\’s 4:30am.

i just finished google searching for some old names i used to know.

i am listening to this song.

i bring this one out at the weirdest of times.

Tuesday, September 13 – Houston Hobby(HOU) to New York LaGuardia(LGA)

Flight 2834
Depart Houston Hobby(HOU) at 11:10 AM and
arrive in Chicago Midway(MDW) at 01:35 PM
Change planes to Flight 4202 – Operated by ATA Airlines
Depart Chicago Midway(MDW) at 02:45 PM and
arrive in New York LaGuardia(LGA) at 05:56 PM

Sunday, September 18 – New York LaGuardia(LGA) to Houston Hobby(HOU)

Flight 4225 – Operated by ATA Airlines
Depart New York LaGuardia(LGA) at 07:00 AM and
arrive in Chicago Midway(MDW) at 08:14 AM
Change planes to Flight 1260
Depart Chicago Midway(MDW) at 09:15 AM and
arrive in Houston Hobby(HOU) at 11:50 AM

holla at me

after trying to fight it. I thought that was supposed to make one feel better.

I\’ve been busy.

download gone.

I quit.

Won\’t see him for at least a year, as he\’s moving home after 5 years at Rice to play professional basketball somewhere in Europe (he\’s still undecided). Good people that guy.

For readers in the New York area with nothing to do on Thursday(s):

Batman was amazing. Best comic adaptation ever, in my opinion. I\’m going to have to see this several more times in the theatre, and by several I mean four or more. Everyone was perfectly cast. I came out shaking it was so dope.

That reads pretty gay, but that movie was awesome. Like Metal Gear Solid, but with Batman instead of Solid Snake.

but things are so pleasant and calm and not hectic for a change around me. i\’m getting some of the best sleep i\’ve had in years now. i\’m near my cats. i wake at 5am to play basketball and excercise with my dad every other morning. i get to spend time with my mother who i haven\’t really talked to beside very brief phone conversations over the last 6 years. i\’m getting to hang out with my sister and her boy friend daniel (i play basketball with him often as well) a lot. she and i are going to be doing a run of some t-shirts this summer. i\’m driving again, finally.

it\’s not as if i don\’t know what it is that\’s bothering me, it\’s just that usually i\’m able to ignore it and keep it moving. i suppose, since i have so much peaceful and restful time to myself, my mind is sitting idle. well, that\’s not true, i\’m doing way more design work simultaneously than i\’ve been able to do the last year or so, and my concentration level is going up. but still, my subconscious just seems to dwell and murk around on things. plus my dreams and what i guess would qualify as quasi nightmares over the last year have sucked majorly.

i would say, the few things that have really given me any temporary gladness, were:

• my corrupting my sister and convincing her to get an ibook
• buying her a mouse for her new ibook
• watching all 6 of the star wars episodes pretty much back to back and playing the episode iii video game on playstation 2 (what a dork)
• going to the movies to see madagascar with my parents
• hanging out with christian, yamar, raffaela, and her sister last weekend
• reading emails from mates of mine, letting me know how their lives are going, stressful, beautiful, somber, the works.

i think i\’m feeling guilty about how many e-mails i am behind on. i need to write kassi, lyall, ben gran, shawn, kan\’dace, my uncle larry, tank (i see you!)…

sometimes, i wish i weren\’t so rambly and verbose for my own good, then writing short, informative \”this-is-what-i\’m-up-to\” e-mails wouldn\’t be such a bloody chore. chore is the wrong word; that makes it seem like i do not care to write, when the opposite is true. i care too much about what i would say and am one of those \”if i can\’t do it properly, don\’t do anything at all\” types of morans.

i\’ve been doing a lot of the self examination and questioning lately. my laptop speakers have been busted for about a month, and for the first time in 8 or 9 years, i\’ve been forced to deal with having little to no music, and by little to no music, i mean only 3 hours of music a day versus my usual 17-20. yes, i usually listen to music as i sleep. such a forced cold turkey detox from something that has been such a mainstay has been weird. i\’m not talking to my musician/beat maker friends as often, nor am i giving my feed back on records and music like i usually do. i feel out of touch with the projects i\’m marginally involved in. i\’m not even sure if i really give a shit about the music and the \’movement\’ right now. whether i give a shit or not is completely irrelevant, as i\’ve committed myself to several things and people and projects, and as little as my word is worth these days with as frequently as i\’ve been breaking it, i\’d like to try to keep these commitments.

i kind of feel like a shit though, i completely blew off a friend of mine last weekend when he called me on the phone. well, not completely, but i don\’t think i could have sounded more disinterested in what he was telling me and kind of hung up on a \”whatever\” type vibe. things just aren\’t moving quickly enough, and my ADD/ADHD is totally kicking in. I want to travel. I want to get lost as literally as i type that word.

i was 12 or 13 years old when i quit tae kwon do to run track and field for corbett junior high school. i was 12, because track season started before my birthday (as it does every year) and i recall getting a birthday card talking about i\’m \”finally a teenager\” from nicole polette and jennifer jackson. anyway, 12 years later i\’m no longer running track competitively (although this is about to change as I am training to reach competing shape again, and if things go like i plan, beijing in \’08) and i have the an accomodating schedule and desire to pick up where i left off over a decade ago, with the same instructor. this will be a weird, full circle sort of thing i believe, as i owe so much of my athletic foundation to martial arts.

i don\’t know what i\’m typing about really, but i feel out of touch. that calm and windy hollow you might feel when you\’re on a hill by yourself and there\’s nothing but the blue expanse above, beyond and around you. everything i want and need is within arms reach, and i feel yards away. it\’s frustrating and keeps me up at night. or in this case, til 5:55 in the morning.

where are the people i used to know?

Rice University Graduation \’05

8:00AM Sunday Morning Hoops

D Rose Shoot

I haven\’t responded yet, but this was kind of sobering.

You\’re right about life being isolating, unless you want to be surrounded by Flanderses and Arlington Road types. (I told A about your blog, and how amused I was that you made reference to an obscure Jeff Daniels/Tim Robbins movie from several years ago.) I thought college could be isolating, but it\’s nothing compared to adult life. And don\’t get me wrong, I\’ve finally gotten to the point here that I feel pretty content with my social life, and having a live-in girlfriend definitely helps, but seriously, I got to a point for a while where I just wasn\’t finding too many people who were worth getting to know. Everything just seemed really trivial. I would be sitting in a bar somewhere having an aimless conversation with a bunch of people who weren\’t really that interesting, and I would think, \”I wish I was home reading a book.\” Adult life is different. It\’s harder to meet people, and it takes longer to cultivate relationships. And it\’s easy to just be a homebody and retreat into your own inner world. I\’ve never been that much of an extrovert – I try to be personable and patient with people, but I don\’t always need to seek them out.

I\’m thinking about marrying A. We just understand each other really well, and we laugh at the same things, and we often complete each others\’ sentences. It\’s weird – we\’ve been living together for almost six months now, and it\’s flown by. We don\’t like \”living together\” – we don\’t like the awkward status of it. And I hate having to use the word \”girlfriend\” – it\’s so junior high. And I think I\’m definitely the marrying type – I didn\’t enjoy dating very much, and I don\’t expect that single life would get much better from here on out. (I turn 26 in July.)

[...]

I guess I got to the point where I realized that it doesn\’t matter how smart you are or how angry you are, there are some things in life that you can\’t handle alone. The death of loved ones, contemplating marriage and parenthood and all the responsibilities that entails, the inexorable passage of time that devours all…I got to the point where I felt like I needed some spiritual help and comfort.

Ben was a great roommate and friend in college.

I was as close as I\’ll ever be to drunk last night. More on that later though. Most horrible segue ever.

in progress

I dreamed that my father somehow needed a heart transplant and died during the operation and no one told me until the day after.
In my dream, the operation happened yesterday/last night, and I found out this afternoon from my mother.
In my dream, I felt the biggest hollow in my chest, the way your stomach feels just below your breast bone when you\’re very hungry, upon hearing the news. I still feel a little sad now. Devestated is the word I think.

In reality, my father called me late last night, but I didn\’t answer because I was kind of annoyed by him, after hearing about a conversation he and my mother had with my sister. I was also talking to David. Sometimes I think they treat her poorly because of 4 years ago. My mother is so cold. I love her to death, because I am who I am personality wise because of her personality, and underneath the ice is a warmth and good nature only the closest to her every get to witness, but sometimes I feel she hates everyone she\’s related to, although she\’s rebuilding connections with her brothers. On an equally as morbid note, I can see her dying alone, but she\’d probably prefer it that way. This superiority complex I reckon roots from her Christianity and everyone around her not walking their walk, and frankly, I can understand that as I used to be the same way (honestly I dunno why that\’s changed as my quality of life hasn\’t 1upped Super Mario style since). The isolation you put yourself in, unless (in this country at least) you want to befriend and be surrounded by Ned Flanders/Arlington Road types, is inhumane.

I\’m surprised I didn\’t cry in my sleep as much and as many times as I did in my dream. I met a bunch of familiar faces and had to relay the story, and it was strange because aside from high school track and football coaches, I don\’t know anyone in my dream now reflecting on it as I\’m awake.

I\’m glad my heart doesn\’t hurt this morning, as it usually does after waking from dreams like this.

Christian asked me around 10:30 if I wanted to ride to campus with him, but I was kind of paralyzed by the dream I\’d just woken from and didn\’t feel like going outside. So I lay there for another two hours and reentered the dream just as it was. It\’s rare that I\’m ever able to reenter dreams.

After finally getting out off the couch, I sat down here at the computer to see how the nightly downloads were going and proceeded to tell Kenneth about my dream.

It\’s amazing how the weirdest things make you realise your mortality, even though I\’ve had a handful of near death experiences, that I seem to not even take into account and Kenneth has to always remind me of.

People can die any moment over nothing and you can\’t do a thing about it.

I don\’t dream of my parents dying often, in fact I\’ve dreamed about it exactly once for the both of them, both times feeling devestated and inoperable the length of the dream. I guess it\’s good to know I love them and would react that way? My mom died in a car accident I believe, but it\’s been years since I had that dream.

Nightmares as a grown person suck.

Such a good read.

The Mike Jones album is pretty cool (as in, I like about 5 songs), but not as hot as the Slim Thug to me (of which, I liked maybe 6 or 7 songs).

Ken Starr
3:43
it\’s like he wants to be a grill beater cause that is what made sense over no id and primo, but now he has kenny g beats and he has to restrain himself from sounding like a real emcee, for fear it might not work well w/ the katelyns

lol

Spring Break ’05

I had a pretty good week. After Atom-bombing an exam in my anthropology class on last last Thursday, I spent the rest of the weekend in San Antonio for Kenneth’s birthday. Laura, Gabe, Kenneth and I spent the day watching the UNC vs. Duke game, and later had fried chicken and mashed potatoes and snow peas and other such stuff Kenneth likes his mom to make. Got back to Houston Sunday night as Kenneth had work the next morning and I rode with him. Spent the next two days preparing for the trip, running some errands on campus and around Houston in general. Stopped by Kay’s all day Tuesday pretty much stealing his mp3s and rebuilding my collection after the dreaded iPod ordeal about a month ago. I came up on some jernts, and replaced a good few of the ones I missed, but still not everything I lost (plus I have to reorganize everything which will suck shit through a straw).

Caught my flight Wednesday morning and arrived in San Diego around noon their time. Shawn, my rocket scientist turned surf bum friend (and personal hero), picked me up and we basically went straight to the zoo. It seemed the sun decided to come out as soon as I walked out the plane as I heard it was foggy outside the few days preceding my arrival. Awesome zoo. They had escalator/conveyor belt sidewalks throughout the park (woo hoo for living in the future) to go up the steeper hills which I thought was a little queer, but completely appreciated. The orangutans were particularly nasty little creatures and the lone tiger wouldn’t come out to be seen. The eagles were pretty fresh, but didn’t seem to have a lot of space to fly around in in their cages/enclosures. I think I liked the bears the most. Why are there never any foxes or wolves in zoos? We left the zoo around 4ish and the clouds came back. Sucks. I think at this point we drove to his apartment in Del Mar and played catch up, rented some movies, and bought some groceries (cereal, chapstick, body soap, shampoo, lotion, and sherry) and rented a few movies, All About the Benjamins (hilarious movie, despite the lame title) and Troy (which I didn’t end up watching before I left San Diego).

Thursday, we woke up moderately early and goofed off a few hours watching parts of Ghost Dog before going to pick up Neeli and Kris from the airport around noon. Surprising to Shawn, the girls didn’t bring a whole lot of luggage (one carry on bag and a backpack) so technically I brought more stuff than they (I cannot not overpack). We took them to the hotel Kris and her boyfriend Randy, who would be arriving later, booked for the night to check in and drop off Kris’s stuff and to change into their bathing suits. Afterwards, we pretty much went directly to the beach in La Jolla which normally has a gorgeous view I’m told, but sucked because of the marine layer, wet sand, and seaweed all over the beach. We made the most of it I suppose, but basically sat on our beach towels and read. Well, the girls read, and I mainly people watched while Shawn body surfed. After a while, I got up and walked as far down the beach as possible to see what was there. Found a cool bamboo rod washed up on the beach and basically pretended to be a ninja while walking. I eventually stopped at a set of huge rocks that separated the beach we were on from Black’s Beach, a so called notorious nude beach populated by gay men. Wasn’t fuckin’ with that so I doubled back to where Neeli and Kris were. After boring of the beach and being disappointed the sun didn’t shine at all, we went back to their hotel so they could change again and then we went downtown. We walked around for a bit, and I really loved the architecture and openness of their downtown area. San Diego kinda reminded me of San Antonio except, well there was a beach, there were hills, better looking flowers, a beach, cooler architecture, etc. How are they similar if San Diego has all that over San Antonio, huh? Ha! Well, I guess being conservative towns (by large) with a significant military presence is all that makes them similar. We walked a bit downtown and stopped at a local coffee shop for the girls. Free wireless spots all over downtown San Diego and all the locals had nice Vaio laptops. But still, no powerbook. We found a kite shop in some little tourist trap down by the navy ships and after griping all day about how I wish I had a kite at the beach to give me something to do, Neeli, Kris, and Shawn convinced me to go in. I ended up buying some $40 kite that wouldn’t even fly as I’d find out the next day, missing this awesome Pirate Ship kite on the way out. I also had my tarot cards read at Neeli’s suggestion. Funniest thing I’d heard all day was from this tarot card reader lady when she said “If you believe in God, you should have no reason believing in this!” Nice anti-theism stance dear, because if I think tarot card reading is bullshit and lentil stew, then I guess God is too. I think she assumed Neeli was my girlfriend since our little convoy was paired off with two girls and two guys, so she started telling me all this good news about my love (or lack thereof) life, you know like, I’ll have a long happy marriage, someone from my past was trying to reestablish contact romantically but she’s not the one, that I’d be taking a long vacation with someone I love, that I’d have children very soon and they would be twins (boy and a girl), and would be buying a house in 6 months. Ha, if she only knew how I felt about kids and marriage. Suzy McSoothsayer also said that I make a lot of money but spend it on others and am way too generous and asked if I know anyone named James or David. She told me to stay away from James. Ha ha. Apparently my aura is purple and that means I have a kind and gentle disposition, or some such bullshit. By this time we had to walk back to the parking metre so Shawn’s car wouldn’t get towed. We drove to Little Italy and had Italian food (although we would have had Argentinian if restaurant wasn’t closed) where I had some Chicken Parm with Canadian Bacon on it? What the hell is that about? Canadian bacon in Italian food. Good times. We dropped Kris off at the hotel to change and shower and go meet her boyfriend at the airport and Neeli, Shawn, and I drove back to Shawn’s apartment in Del Mar, we stayed up chatting for a little while, but went to bed so we could be up before noon to meet Kris and Randy at the hotel. I gave Neeli the couch, because, you know I have a purple aura and am such a gentleguy.

Friday, we met up with Randy and reintroduced (I’d met him once before in Novemeber) and we went for Hawaiian food in Encinitas at a spot Shawn likes a lot, then went to the beach. Weather wasn’t any better then, but I was determined to get in the water at some point. I think I was bitching and moaning a little too much and annoying Neeli with it some, so I shut up after a while. We hit a volleyball around a little bit, the five of us, and then Randy had to go meet his sister at her apartment, so he left us all there and we were to meet up later. The girls, once again disappointed by the weather sat on their beach towels and read books while I threw rocks as far as I could into the ocean. I got armspeed like whoa! After a while, the kid in me came out and I went down to the water with Shawn and ran around a bit. He was trying to fly my kite as I was too annoyed to but the wind wasn’t strong enough, so he basically sprinted back and forth along the beach dragging the kite with him. After a while we started a little kite flying relay running down the beach and hanging it off to each other. After being winded pretty quickly, we decided to get in the water a little bit. I mainly just got my feet in, and threw rocks some more, but when you’re only ankle deep you’re actually knee deep, and when you’re only knee deep, you’r actually waste deep. Yeah, that water was pretty cold and I thought my balls were gonna freeze and fall off, so I pretty much chilled on that. I founded another bamboo rod on the beach here and was goofin’ off trying to pole vault and that shit snapped right under me. The girls eventually came down to the water, but it was still pretty chilly, so they didn’t strip down to their bathing suits, but just rolled up their jeans. Darwin Award candidate yes, but bamboo ain’t as touch as they say. After calling it a night with the water, I went back to where girls had returned to read on their beach towels. They were kind enough to let me bundle with them to keep warm because I was freezing and my teeth were chattering. Around now, Shawn went out to body surf (theguyisinsanethatwaterwascold) and we sat and watched a bit. Looked fun, yet mad dangerous. About a mile or so off the coast we saw a bunch of dolphins jumping out the water and that was cool. After the beach, we went to a bar/saloon so the girls could watched the Duke vs. Virginia game and got a few drinks and waited for Randy to show up. Shawn had to drop off some high school English papers he graded for a teacher friend of his, but later returned to scoop me up as we both had to pack and get ready for trips the next morning. Exchanged hugs and handshakes with Neeli, Kris (cool girl), and Randy (good guy) and said our Spring Break goodbyes and we headed out.

Saturday morning, another of Shawn’s friends drove the both of us to the airport so Shawn could fly to Davis for a Grad School interview/kiss his ass session, and I could take the shuttle to Amtrak to meet some Yayhooray person named Charlie (henceforth referred to as Chuckie Chulo or Charlie Cheddar or Charlie Upchuck). On the way there some young teenage (I think, I’m horrible at gauging age anymore) girl in a Volvo parents buy their young teenage girls spun out on the highway above us and started down the side of the hill elevating said highway above the access roads—actually, I don’t feel like talking about the rest of it.

I\’m actually writing about my week or so in So Cal for Spring Break, but until then here are a few pictures I managed to scrounge up.

Big up Shawn, James, Andrea \’Girl Girl\’ Chung (when you gonna paint my portrait?), Christa, & the LA YH crew.

For three meals in a row, I\’ve had the same plate from two different Vietnamese restaurants. Starting Friday afternoon at lunch when Anthony and I went to Cali Sandwich across from Houston Community College in midtown after officially registering Oh, So Nappy! UnLtd. as a busy-ness with the county clerk. After lunch and a strawberry smoothie, I think I sat at the library for a little while soaking up the free wireless, and then went home to change clothes to play an IM basketball game with the South Asian Society against the Muslim Student Association. After we won the game, and gave a few obligatory pounds, a few kids on the MSA team asked me if really in SAS.

In typical smooth-ass FWMJ fashion I said something like \”uh…umm…yeah…?!\” and we laughed.

Hater Magazine had its initial meeting for the 3rd issue, the fashion issue. After meeting a few new people that are going to be working on the magazine, and trying to contain my sadness that the bleed/a border was left 80% of the pages, Damien, the Other Frank, and I went Mai\’s where I had my new favourite Vietnamese dish for the 2nd time in 24 hours. I went to bed.

Anthony called me Saturday morning to tell me about his brilliant poster idea for the basketball game against UTEP later that night, and after another hour or so he scooped me up and we went to Target for poster board, Crayola® markers, chewy apple granola bars, and black ankle socks.

After a few hours in the library being noisy coloured folks and annoying others, Max got hungry and scooped me for Cali Sandwich. I was full already, as I\’d eaten two Super Size Fries from McDonald\’s like two hours prior (Go Super Size Me!) but ordered Beef Chunk Pepper Steak anyway, and boxed the rest as left overs.

I went to an intercollegiate gospel concert put on by a friend of mine at school after that at Windsor Village United Methodist Church for about an hour and couldn\’t force myself to sing along. Christian had to dip out early to get ready for the basketball game (he was filming in the rafters) so I left with him as I couldn\’t deal. I dunno if I\’ll ever be able to sit in Church without squirming again. I think what did it was when the preacher tried to compare and equate rap music with gospel. I\’m surprised I didn\’t start foaming at the mouth.

9:00pm. I sat in the rafters for the first half of the game as the Campus Police were being particularly anal about seating and tickets since this was a nationally televised game. I came back down and sat around midcourt when I saw no one was taking some of the seats I was originally pushed out of. After watching Rice lose by 2 points thanks to a coach that doesn\’t know what he\’s doing, I hung around at Autry with Christian and Rashid (my two future roommates) waiting for a few folks to come out of the locker room and talk about the game and what was happening later that night. I\’d been in a bit of a funk most of the afternoon (all week) for reasons I won\’t really get into (Happy Birthday Leanne!), so on the way to the crib when Christian got a message from Shannon about some party at Pooji\’s place, I was game. The party in actuality was an Engagement Party for two ex-teammates of mine. Chris used to be a decathlete on the track team, until he threw his shoulder or something really bad and needed surgery. Summer ran cross country for 4 years or so for the women\’s team. It\’s a cute match aesthetically, and they seem to move on similar planes and wavelengths. It\’s just kind of funny as I remember when Chris was scheming on her a year and a half ago. What a difference 18 months makes? Saw Neeli at the party shortly after I arrived, and she was surprised to see me, much less with a plastic cup in hand. Apparently the punch was strong, but I didn\’t notice.

I just got back to the apartment for the day after arguing that I don\’t believe Michael Jordan is the best player to ever play basketball and considered him a product of a hype machine. I am now washing bed sheets and listening to Busta Rhymes real loud. I never got back my mp3s. Fuck an iPod, son.

I\’m going to go run at the Bayou. Happy Bornday to me.

This is another one of those times in the year where I only write here when I\’m experiencing an extreme-ish emotion. Right now, I\’m on the negative end of the spectrum and am not feeling particularly PC.

A reason I\’m anti-social…

1. I can\’t fucking stand smokers. I\’m not talking about old grampas that smoke pipes (that shit smells good) or folks in their 60s that still smoke cigs solely because they can\’t shake the habit. I\’m talking about young dumb idiots that smoke, so that anytime I go somewhere, I have to choke up and not be able to breathe for the duration of my stay at \”Camp Somewhere\”. Tonight, I went to Cafe Artiste (gay name, good food and free wireless) with Anthony, Kenneth, and Christian and just now realised a little while ago that I smell like cigarette smoke because a group of douchebags decided they\’d come have deep conversation and smoke fags and look sophisticated. There are very few things more disgusting or unflattering than a human bean my age plus or minus 10 years that smokes. Nigga, you went through that D.A.R.E. bullshit just like I did. I\’d much rather you do crack or heroin because at least you\’d do that in the privacy of your own cardboard box or outhouse and die a lot quicker than a cigarette will kill you with cancer. Fuck going to bars and having to stand amongst featherweight assholes who started smoking in Jr. High hoping they\’d look tough, still exuding the same faux-masculinity blowing their cigarette smoke in my face like I\’m not standing there and I won\’t body them. And the only reason that I do not is because I\’m there for my best friend\’s graduation party. Basically, fuck a smoker my age, I hope you die soon and can\’t get health insurance from anyone. And smoke or eat. Pick one. Don\’t do both. Ashtrays at dinner tables, what the fuck already.

Actually, I only have one reason for being anti-social right now. This post is mostly an excuse to bitch about losing a very large collection of music I\’ve amassed over the years because of an iPod screw up. I lost so much music that I\’ll never be able to replace (as in, the people that made the music no longer even have copies of some of these songs and these songs were never released to the public, or they are albums that have been out of print for at least 10, with like 10,000 copies made and they were all sold in Asia that I\’ll never be able to reacquire, not even with the internet), in my temporary insanity I half seriously considered puncturing my eardrums tonight with a cotton swab so I\’d never have to bother with listening to music again. Really, I just don\’t even care about music right now, I\’m so angry. If you\’d like to see how angry I was when it happened, you can click here. Sorry, Mom, Dad, or anyone easily offended by strong language and sophomoric temper tantrums if you are reading this, but that\’s just the way I feel about the shit.

I don\’t think I\’ll purposely make myself deaf, because that would be deserving of a Darwin Award (plus I\’m already blind as it is, who needs to be deaf too? And dumb. Deaf, Dumb, & Blind), but I\’ll probably end up giving my iPod to Kenneth when he moves to Denver in March as a parting gift, because I have no desire to use the one I have after this major fuck up.

I hate everything right now.

My birthday is next, next Sunday (the 6th) and I turn 24. I kind of want to die by the time I\’m 50 years old, so I\’ve lived about half my life already.

That kind of sucks.

Because I can\’t remember shit from 6 years ago.

What a rotten fucking week. \”My\” bike got stolen on Monday.

And fuck smokers. Extra-specially all you Alcoholic Vegan Hippie Activist Smokers. I hope you choke to death on medium rare steak in your dreams.

And why don\’t they make AutoCAD for Mac OS? Fuck.

I\’ll try to post when I\’m in a better mood next time.

I think Leanne and I will be talking a lot more frequently than we have been since we graduated high school nearly six years ago, and for that I\’m genuinely happy. After not celebrating our birthdays together for the first time ever (as far as I can remember) that I\’ve known her last year, she\’s making plans to come to Houston the weekend of our born days to hang out.

That makes my dimples show.