Word

I haven\’t responded yet, but this was kind of sobering.

You\’re right about life being isolating, unless you want to be surrounded by Flanderses and Arlington Road types. (I told A about your blog, and how amused I was that you made reference to an obscure Jeff Daniels/Tim Robbins movie from several years ago.) I thought college could be isolating, but it\’s nothing compared to adult life. And don\’t get me wrong, I\’ve finally gotten to the point here that I feel pretty content with my social life, and having a live-in girlfriend definitely helps, but seriously, I got to a point for a while where I just wasn\’t finding too many people who were worth getting to know. Everything just seemed really trivial. I would be sitting in a bar somewhere having an aimless conversation with a bunch of people who weren\’t really that interesting, and I would think, \”I wish I was home reading a book.\” Adult life is different. It\’s harder to meet people, and it takes longer to cultivate relationships. And it\’s easy to just be a homebody and retreat into your own inner world. I\’ve never been that much of an extrovert – I try to be personable and patient with people, but I don\’t always need to seek them out.

I\’m thinking about marrying A. We just understand each other really well, and we laugh at the same things, and we often complete each others\’ sentences. It\’s weird – we\’ve been living together for almost six months now, and it\’s flown by. We don\’t like \”living together\” – we don\’t like the awkward status of it. And I hate having to use the word \”girlfriend\” – it\’s so junior high. And I think I\’m definitely the marrying type – I didn\’t enjoy dating very much, and I don\’t expect that single life would get much better from here on out. (I turn 26 in July.)

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I guess I got to the point where I realized that it doesn\’t matter how smart you are or how angry you are, there are some things in life that you can\’t handle alone. The death of loved ones, contemplating marriage and parenthood and all the responsibilities that entails, the inexorable passage of time that devours all…I got to the point where I felt like I needed some spiritual help and comfort.

Ben was a great roommate and friend in college.

I was as close as I\’ll ever be to drunk last night. More on that later though. Most horrible segue ever.